walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
