Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
