I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
