your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
