Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
