I'm so fucking centered right now
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
