Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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