it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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