I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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