She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
