Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
