I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
