Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
