I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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