What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
