then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
