Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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