I just pynch a tree in the face
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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