I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
You work out of a Hotel?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
