HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
