When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
