I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
