Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
