A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
