Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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