I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
