Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
