He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
