We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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