thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
