lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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