I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
