Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
