I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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