apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
