could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
