:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I believe in your delicious
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
