She is in my trunk
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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