I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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