I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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