I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize