I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
