Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
