Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
