the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
