I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
