WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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