there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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