I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
