Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
