i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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