i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
