How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
