There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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