Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
