Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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