ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
