Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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