dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
