we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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