i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
