I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
