Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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