so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize
