I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
