I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
