you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
