were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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