the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
