And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
