I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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